what my cousin taught me about receiving
Before you read this, try something with me. Close your eyes for a moment and take a deep breath. Place your hand on your heart and ask yourself: when someone last offered you genuine appreciation, did you let it in? Or did you push it away before it could really land?
I'm going to get personal. Receiving compliments and gifts makes me uncomfortable. When someone tells me I did a good job, my immediate response is to deflect: "Oh, it was really no big deal." When someone offers me a gift, I wish I had a present to give right back to them.
It's easy to kid myself that this is humility. What I know now is that it's fear of the intimacy of being in deep connection with others.
When Receiving Becomes Giving
I was fourteen when my cousin tried to pay me for babysitting. I pushed the money away—"No, don't worry about it."
She looked at me seriously: "It is a blessing to give. When you don't let me pay you, you're taking away my blessing. Please accept this—not just for you, but for me."
This was my first glimpse into a truth I'm still learning: receiving is about allowing ourselves to be vulnerable enough for real connection. My cousin was inviting me into something deeper—the kind of relationship where we can give and receive freely, where we trust each other enough to be interdependent.
Her words reminded me of something in nature. Trees constantly feed each other nutrients through their roots and a complex network of fungi in the soil, sensing when another tree needs something and responding naturally. There's no scorekeeping in the forest—just an understanding that we're all part of a bigger cycle of care. I think human connection works the same way, we've just lost sight of this natural rhythm of giving and receiving.
The Cost of Pushing Away
During coaching training, I had to sit while over 20 people gave me genuine acknowledgments of what they saw in me. It was excruciating—so much harder than giving compliments. I remember feeling red in the face, holding my breath, as people one by one said what they saw that was beautiful in me.
A friend helped me see what was really happening. After I deflected a compliment one day, she said gently: "When you don't let me give you a compliment, it feels like you're slapping away my bid for connection. I want to be your friend and I feel like you're telling me no."
Her words hit me like cold water. I was rejecting her. Every deflection was essentially rejecting our relationship.
We face a fundamental choice in every interaction with friends and family in our community. We can stay safe behind our walls, or we can risk the vulnerability of letting someone care for us.
The walls we build keep love from getting in. When we consistently choose the safety of independence, we miss out on the relationships that can help us grow and flourish.
A Receiving Practice
What I'm learning is that receiving requires rewiring some deep beliefs.
Here's our practice for this week: When someone acknowledges you, first take a breath. Feel your heart center expanding—literally imagine it opening. Then say "thank you" and pause. Let their words travel through your whole body, not just your head.
Each time you receive genuinely, you're participating in the natural flow of energy between all living things. When somebody offers you recognition, they're extending life force energy toward you. When you receive it fully, you complete a circuit that nourishes both of you.
